Many come in thinking they know what will happen next, how the story will end. Some initially think marriage after an affair is not possible, only to find out it is possible. Others may discover that healing after an affair leads to the dissolution of the relationship, yet personal restoration required professional help and support. Specialized affair recovery counseling was necessary in order to create a strong, meaningful, interpersonal support network, which makes recovery complete and paves the way for healthy intimate partnerships down the road.

The problem is never just the problem when it comes to how one recovers after an affair. The sexual betrayal can become a triggering event that can entwine into a person’s past relationship issues, negative childhood experiences, dysfunctional core beliefs, spirituality, and personality-type. So often the problem is not just the problem, it can be many problems that compound the current problem. Past struggles or insecurities before the infidelity was discovered may have been boxed up or stuffed in one’s psyche, yet after infidelity, unresolved issues often demand to be acknowledged and healed. Identifying and resolving unfinished business, is a part of surviving infidelity and healing after an affair. Sexual betrayal can often open Pandora’s box, where past wounds, negative core beliefs and maladaptive coping patterns bubble to the surface, needing to be addressed and processed in order to obtain long-term healing.

Enlisting help from those whom lack personal and/or professional experience and expertise can further complicate, damage and prolong the already laborious and daunting process of healing after an affair. Partnering with professionals who have been there, done that, and are also trained in this niche often reduce feelings of confusion, anxiety, hopelessness and fear in the individual and coupleship. Experienced professionals, especially those who also have personally walked the path of how to heal from an affair, have a breadth of knowledge and the ability to create road maps, answer often enigmatic questions that perplex the betrayed and clarify and validate seemingly convoluted or unbelievable answers unfaithful spouses often give to the how and why questions.

Professionals understand taking a trauma inventory is quintessential to proper treatment planning and long-term recovery. Complex trauma often is uncovered when an individual or couple seeks to overcome infidelity and/or sexual addiction (aka compulsive sexual behavior). Healthy human-beings function well across multiple domains. Holistic healing includes a person’s ability to develop and maintain deep interpersonal relationships, be authentic, congruent and integrated emotionally and spiritually, have proper boundaries, mature communication and emotional intimacy with family, friends and co-workers, accept accountability in relationships, and cope with stress, loss and disappointment without the use of self-destructive behaviors or thinking patterns. All of this is incorporated into the process of healing from an affair and/or sexual addiction.

Internal motivation, and perseverance. If the unfaithful spouse has strong internal motivation and perseverance to do whatever it takes, including the crucial component of developing empathy for the betrayed spouse, the prognosis is hopeful. Narcissism will be present where there is infidelity or compulsive sexual behavior. But narcissism is present in most relationships, period. The goal is to turn the narcissistic behaviors into empathetic relating to others, not just the betrayed spouse. Often for the betrayed spouse, treating the trauma is a key component of reducing anxiety and rage. Find a professional with clinical mental health professional with specific training in a trauma modality such as Emotional Transformation Therapy, EMDR, Neurofeedback or psychodrama (to name a few).