Healing is possible.

You can recover from complex trauma.

Amanda Elliott Asproni, MA, RMHC-I

Complex trauma creates deep psychological wounds that require specialized support for optimal healing.

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    Get to the source

    Identify and treat the root isues that led to maladaptive patterns of relating.

    My approach to healing complex trauma examines the underlying causes that contribute to problematic relationship behaviors.

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    Get help from a professional who’s “been there”.

    Amanda's practice was built after her own experiences with healing from complex trauma.

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    Betrayal trauma can unbox past unresolved hurts and fears, and it can compound pre-existing distrust in intimate relationships.

    5 Things To Know About Complex Trauma

    by Amanda Elliott Asproni,
    M.A., Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Coach

    Complex trauma destroys our basic human need for a secure and loving primary attachment, often making our intimate relationships a challenge. Common marital issues often include sexual anorexia, infidelity, emotional avoidance and addiction.

    Healing from complex trauma is capricious.

    Many come in thinking they know what will happen next, how the story will end. Many initially feel that the current crisis that brought them to seek help such as an affair or sexual dysfunction, is the final nail in the coffin of a long line of betrayal traumas that told them they could never trust. Others may discover that healing from complex trauma may end in dissolution of the relationship, yet looking at a couples healing prognosis requires a specialized professional who has been trained in the complicated aspects of working in complex trauma. Specialized counseling is necessary as clients strive for comprehensive healing that paves the way for healthy intimate relationships today or down the road.

    Coping with complex trauma is interlaced into one’s past.

    The problem is never just the problem when it comes to how one recovers from complex trauma. Whether it was sexual betrayal, problematic sexual behavior or sexual anorexia, often there is one final triggering event that can unravel a person or couple and ultimatley will entwine into the person’s past unresolved issues. Unaddressed traumatic childhood experiences can lead to dysfunctional core beliefs and erode a person's ability to function in healthy ways in intimate relationships. So often the problem is not just the problem, it's many problems that compound the current presenting problem that pushed the person or couple to seek help. Past struggles or insecurities before the defining event are often boxed up or stuffed in one’s psyche, yet after a major crisis, such as infidelity, unresolved past issues often demand to be acknowledged and healed. Identifying and resolving unfinished business, is a part of healing from complex trauma. Dealing with sexual betrayal, sexual dysfunction or sexual addiction can often open Pandora’s box, where past wounds, negative core beliefs and maladaptive coping patterns explode to the surface, needing to be addressed and processed in order to obtain healthy relationship functioning.

    Recovering from complex trauma is delicate.

    Enlisting help from those whom lack personal and professional experience and expertise in the area of healing from complex trauma can further complicate, damage and prolong the already laborious and daunting recovery process. Complex trauma often includes digging up unresolved developmental trauma such as childshood sexual abuse, physical abuse and neglect. Although one's childhood may not be what brought him or her to seek professional help, if the client or couple presents with problematic sexual behavior, infidelity, sexual avoidance or intimacy anorexia, developmental trauma is likely the catalyst. Partnering with professional clinicians and recovery coaches who have been there, done that, and who are also trained in the complexities of complex trauma can reduce feelings of confusion, anxiety, hopelessness and fear in the individual and coupleship. Experienced professionals, especially those who also have personally walked the path of how to heal from complex trauma, have a unique knowledge and ability to create road maps, connec the dots and answer questions that often perplex and terrify clients and couples.

    Surviving complex trauma is a matter of multi-faceted healing.

    Professionals understand taking a trauma inventory is quintessential to proper treatment planning and long-term recovery. Complex trauma often is uncovered when an individual or couple seeks to overcome infidelity and/or sexual addiction (aka compulsive sexual behavior). Healthy human-beings function well across multiple domains. Holistic healing includes a person’s ability to develop and maintain deep interpersonal relationships, be authentic, congruent and integrated emotionally and spiritually, have proper boundaries, mature communication and emotional intimacy with family, friends and co-workers, accept accountability in relationships, and cope with stress, loss and disappointment without the use of self-destructive behaviors or thinking patterns. All of this is incorporated into the process of healing from an affair and/or sexual addiction.

    Overcoming complex trauma is about internal motivation.

    Internal motivation, and perseverance. If the client and couple both have a strong internal motivation and perseverance to do whatever it takes, including the crucial component of developing empathy for oneselve and one's partner, the prognosis is hopeful. Narcissistic traits can be present where there is a history of infidelity, betrayal trauma, intimacy avoidance and compulsive sexual behavior. But some level of narcissism is present in most relationships, period. The goal is to turn the narcissistic behaviors into empathetic relating to self and other and for the client or couple to build a cohesive narrative of their life, their relationships and their goals for their recovery.

    SUCCESS STORIES:

    A Direct & Actionable Approach

    “Amanda walked with me during the most tragic time of my life. When I felt there was no hope for my marriage to truly heal from infidelity- she spurred me on. With raw and transparent honesty, Amanda spoke into my life. That she had been where I was, inspired and encouraged me. I found practical strategies for coping and moving forward. I am so grateful for having had made this connection with Amanda during my recovery.”
    ShannonMother of 4, Social Services Project Coordinator, Canada

    Authenticity & Understanding

    “Amanda is someone who puts her heart and soul into helping other people through some of the most difficult times in their lives. Infidelity has a way of making people feel isolated and Amanda has the ability to reach out to that person and let them know that they are not alone. She is amazingly supportive and we are blessed to have had her help us along this road.”
    Lucas & ElizabethArmy Soldier & Mother of 4, Washington State

    Lifting the Burden of Blame

    “Over three years ago I found out that my husband was involved with another woman. I pushed everything down inside, pretending all was normal on the outside, we tried to go on with our lives. I sank deeper and deeper into depression. I felt like I was trapped and wished that God would just take me so I would not have to endure the shame, insecurities, trauma and isolation of this offense. I cried out to God so many times, it seemed there was no one listening. But God led me to a group of women lead by Amanda, who walked me through the things I needed to confront not only in my husband, but in my self. Only those who have shared a similar experiences can know the pain, anxiety, fear, and rejection you are dealing with or are not dealing with. Amanda is that person. She was always kind hearted. Over and over she took the blame for his affair off of my shoulders and put it back where it belonged, on him. She encouraged me to take up for myself, something I had never done. I know that she prayed for me and my marriage all the way through this process and is probably still praying. I am in a much better place now than I was before. I am healing. It is hard to find help these days that actually knows how to deal with infidelity. If you think that you can work through this process on your own, you are deceiving yourself. Whether or not you divorce or stay in your marriage, you need help.”
    DonnaAgriculturer, Missouri

    Comfort & Trustworthiness

    "Amanda was a blessing. We were introduced to her during a very painful time in our lives. We were desperate to know if our marriage could be saved after my husband’s infidelity. She has a way of making you very comfortable to share information and letting you know you are not alone. Gaining that trust is critical for a couple to heal and grow. We will forever be grateful."
    Greg & MarieOffice Manager & Accountant, Texas

    Keeping Things Down-to-Earth

    “Amanda is very real, honest, and easy to talk with because she is a great listener and empathizer. I’m extremely grateful to have her…someone who can speak positively into my life.”
    JoyMother of 4 & Small Business Owner, Texas

    Making Way for Healing

    “I am so thankful to Amanda for being there during some of my darkest times. She was able to encourage me and explain why the way that I was was completely normal at a time in my life when I did not trust anything anymore. She encouraged me to truly find myself and allow myself what I needed to heal in order to be able to look at my marriage as a strong woman, not a victim. Thank you Amanda for picking me up when I was down."
    Lisa (Mother of 5 and CEO), Iowa

    Kindness & Insight

    “Amanda is a kind and patient listener who offers practical solutions and helps me see where I can improve. She also helps me empathize with the other person through her own experiences. You will never feel like you’ve wasted your time.”
    LeeGeneral Manager, Oklahoma City

    KNOWLEDGE IS POWER

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